Happy Endings aka Cue the anxiety

After five and a half years (that felt like decades) I'm finally graduating on March 18th. (Bachelor on social services / kindergarten teacher.) A couple of weeks ago when I  sent in my last essay, I expected fireworks, happiness, singing from the top of my lungs, jumping around, anything but --- anxiety.

Dakota Blue Richards as Franky on Skins.

I felt overwhelmed and scared of what is going to happen next. (Even though I already had a job so actually nothing was changing.) Irrational thoughts. Again.

Fear of the future is very common with people with anxiety. Am I ever going to get better? What if I start feeling worse? How do I cope with new school/job/flat/relationships etc.

I did feel all the pleasant feelings like happiness and relief but, as many people struggling with panic attacks, I  was subconsciously too afraid to feel them so I did what I always do: turned them into anxiety and started feeling panicky.

It is super frustrating when even positive things create anxiety. Like, isn't it enough to feel anxious about almost everything else? This isn't fair!

Before I had a full blown panic attack on my hands, I called my Dad. It helped me to share with someone what I was going through. And when I wasn't alone with my thoughts and talked through what I was feeling, I saw the situation as it was:  nothing to be scared about.

Yes, I felt weird and even uncomfortable. But it was ok. It's common to feel this way when something ends. Whether it's school, a job or a relationship. I got some perspective.